A Nice Cup of Tea & a Sit Down

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The US Post Office have for a long while, touted the advantages of having a post office box over having your mail delivered.   The many advantages are apparently, that your mail is safe and secure.   You can collect your mail after 8:30am weekdays, and 9:00am on Saturdays and holidays.   When you go on vacation, you don't have to have the mail held.   This is especially handy of you are going away for only a few days, because it is a little known fact that when you have your mail held, it has to be for at least a week.   You want your mail held for just three days?   Sorry, no can do.   On the face of it then, a post office box sounds to be a pretty sweet deal.   However, before you sign on the dotted line and hand over your cash, there is a reverse side to the coin.

Firstly, and just to get it out of the way; you pay the post office money not to deliver your mail.   I mean, the inconvenience of not having to leave the post office to deliver your mail must be a really big burden for them to endure each and every day. No wonder the want big bucks given all the inconvenience you are putting them to.

Secondly, having a post office box is a real bind if you do any amount of online shopping.   UPS; FedEx; DHL; Airborne Express, etc., do not deliver to post office boxes.   I find this really weird given I see the UPS truck outside our local post office every day, and the guy wheeling into the post office cart loads of packages.   Seemingly, the post office use the like of UPS to transport their mail all around the country.   However, if the package originates at UPS, then the post office will not accept delivery of it.   Is that fucked-up or what?   So, you buy your online stuff and then you get into a wrangle because you have to put your physical address as the delivery address, and then the transaction gets refused, because your billing address is a post office box and not the physical address.   The vendors tell you that it is quite easy; all you have to do is tell the credit card company that the physical address is a valid delivery address.   I have jumped though this hoop.   You wait for ages to get through and then they tell you that you cannot have your physical address as the permanent delivery address.   They will flag it as OK this month, but next month you have to call back and go through this shit all over again.   If you rent a mailbox at the UPS store, they take in all of your mail without any drama at all - I really wish I had one of those in our town!

Third problem.  You have just worked the third shift.   At the end of your shift you go to the post office to collect your mail.   There is one of those yellow notices telling you that you have something that doesn't fit into your box and you need to call in when the post office is open.   So now you have to disturb your sleep in order to go to the post office to collect the package.   In the same light, you have returned from vacation.   You're too exhausted from the journey to worry about collecting your mail on Saturday evening and so you put it off until Sunday morning.   You go to the post office and find a note telling you that there is too much mail to fit into your box.   Come and collect it when the post office is open.   The bizarre thing is, the post office markets post office boxes to people who cannot really come to the post office during the day.   However, if you buy into the PO Box bullshit, they constantly want you to go to the post office during the very time you cannot go.

As you have all probably gathered by now, we have a post office box.   We didn't really choose to have it, but the previous occupant of our house had a post office box.   The main reason for it was that we live on a very fast road with a blind bend.   If we put a mailbox up, there would be no pull-in for the mail carrier.   The mail carrier would have to stop in the carriageway to deliver to the mailbox.   However, the blind bend means that whilst the mail carrier is parked delivering mail, semi's come barreling around that corner at 50-60 mph, and by the time they see the mail carrier they would have only 60 ft to stop dead in order to avoid hitting the mail carrier.   Most people know, that a semi traveling at 55 mph needs more than 60 ft to stop; in fact, most of that 60 ft would be taken up with "thinking time" prior to applying the brake.

With all this in mind, I was stunned when I went to the post office this week.   I retrieved our mail from the post office box, and noticed that our mail was encompassed by an elastic band holding in place an "Official Mail Forwarding Change of Address Order" with a yellow Post-It note stuck to it.   The post it note said: "You have 1st class mail coming to *address*.   If you don't intend on putting up a box then please finish filling out this card so we can fwd to you - thanks".   The mail carrier had filled in the form completely and all we had to do was sign at the bottom.   OK, this might have been very kind, but given that we are talking about three letters a month (the car payment company and the mortgage company apparently will not address mail to a PO Box owing to company policy).   Meanwhile, it is evident that the post office already knows where the mail is to go because they put the change of address card in our post office box.

I had a very high regard for our local post office until this incident.   I thought that they were terribly nice when they dealt with things like old ladies taping money to the outside of envelopes, which they would then exchange for postage stamps.   I thought that they were really nice when they helped carry packages to my car.   However, this incident has just left a bitter taste in my mouth.   We don't put up a box and insist upon home delivery specifically for the ensured safety of the mail carrier.   Suddenly, after four years, the mail carrier is getting all pissy about it, and this, coming pretty much on the threshold of the season of goodwill.   I am assuming that this year, 65041 is a goodwill free zone?

 

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Yet we can't do something as innocent as Christmas shopping without turning into barbarians:

 

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Today was thanksgiving.   Rather oddly as it really isn't a "holiday" that I fully comprehend, I have been planning this for months.   Back in late September, I was shopping at our nearest large town.   At the most popular supermarket, they were taking orders for free-range, organically reared turkeys.   As my sweetheart and I had been discussing animal husbandry, antibiotics, and, added this-that-and-the-other just the night before, I decided that this would be just the ticket for thanksgiving.   I put my name down and paid my deposit and was told to expect that the end cost would be twice that of a standard turkey.   I thought to myself at the time that it may be more expensive, but it had to be worth it because, who knows what crap you would be putting into your body if you took the cruelty enhanced version?   Rather than tell my sweetheart what I had planned, I decided that it would be a bit of a surprise on the day.   The following days were spent researching the easiest of turkey cooking recipes; and, researching what alternatives could be had to the dreaded green bean casserole that old ladies seem to savor with demonic delight.

Around about the middle of November, my darling delivered a surprise of his own.   A friend of ours had invited us to thanksgiving dinner and he had already accepted on our behalf.   The next morning, I telephoned the supermarket to cancel our organically reared turkey.   It was tough going.   However, after twenty minutes of wrangling our order was canceled albeit that we had forfeit our deposit.   Never mind I thought, at least someone else is going to do all that cooking and worrying over whether the turkey is cooked or not.   Of course, I viewed the impending demonic green bean casserole with dread, and, as I really don't like mashed potatoes or what is called dressing, I hoped that there would be some more non-traditional items on the table too.   In any event, I resolved to have a damned good breakfast just in case.

The day prior to thanksgiving I was at work (who isn't) and I started to feel nauseous and feverish.   There were some loose movements in the equation too, but, I took some Imodium and  hoped for the best.

Waking up this morning, I felt like shit.   My head ached, and my stomach felt as thought something like the battle of the the little big horn was going on in there.   Even worse, my precious was not feeling too well either.   We both thought if we rested up and such like, would would be fine to go to dinner at our friend's house.   With minutes to go, we are still both feeling more sick by the moment.   "Should we go or not?", my handsome prince asked.   We then played a sort of a game of ping-pong trying to establish who was the most sick, not wanting to be the one who would go down in history as the one putting the kaibosch on thanksgiving 2006.   Back-and forward; back-and-forward; until we agreed that we both didn't feel up to going.   My sweet prince called to cancel.   We were told to expect a care-package later in the day and, that everyone offered their commiserations.   I know my beloved felt bad about canceling out, but really, we had not option.   There really isn't much point of going out to dinner only to then spend the entire time fighting one another for occupancy of the toilet.

A few moments after the fateful call, we had a telephone call from another friend who wanted to give us shit about canceling out.   Rather wittily, Curtis told the person that we had more than enough shit between us and that any more, was really of no consequence.

Thankfully, the care package never materialized.   Later this evening we discussed the thanksgiving event.   We questioned how two people who work their butts off for this community each and every day, ended up going from an organically raised turkey; to turkey dinner at a friends house; to struggling just to get down a small bowl of broth.  

Sometimes it feels as though there is no justice in the world.

 

 

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It was my birthday recently.   As I normally do (a new year’s resolution from way back), I took the day off work.   Many people badgered me to provide details of all the things that I would do on my birthday.   I evaded giving a direct answer because I consider what I do on my birthday to be a private matter and not something that is open to public scrutiny.

That said, what I generally liked to do, is to do a little bit of shopping in the morning.   I find it rewarding to buy myself a birthday present.   I do this because I always have a notion of what I would like for my birthday, but, sometimes it is too extravagant to ask as a gift.   Or, more generally, those that would buy me a gift would consider it frivolous and would be uncomfortable with buying a gift of that sort.   In the afternoon, I generally like to go to the cinema.   I have a real passion for the cinema.   In my younger days, I used to go to the cinema 3-4 times a week.   Of course it helped that at the time I worked for EMI and got complimentary tickets; and, that I had a friend who worked for the rival company and who could get tickets for the films we were not showing.   In the evening, I like to go to a restaurant for an unhurried dinner with come good wine and some good company.   Apart from all the fun type stuff, I like to look back over the past year and contemplate some of my greatest mistakes (yes, I make quite a few each year); and to consider where I am in the world and, what and who is important to me.

This year, I was somewhat scuppered.   I didn’t go shopping for a “me” present.   I had already been to Lowe’s last week and bought a reading lamp and which could really be considered as my gift to myself.   Moreover, I just didn’t feel like driving all the way to our nearest large town, just to get caught up in the thanksgiving buying frenzy.   I didn’t go to the cinema because our local theatre wasn’t showing anything that I really wanted to see.   There is a film I’d love to see, but, it is advertised as being in “selected theaters” and so that means it will be a cold day in hell before it will be shown at our local picture house.   The meal at the restaurant didn’t materialize because this is a small town; in consequence, the only places worth going to are open only Wednesday – Saturday (my birthday was on Tuesday this year).   Instead, we had a meal out last Friday, which was a so-so sort of event.   This was not because of the company, but more because of the bland food; inconsideration on the part of other diners; and, it wasn’t “the” day.   Instead I cooked, as I generally do most days of the year.   I did a Jamie Oliver recipe which really was very good and which was enhanced by the thought of Jamie rubbing me all over with olive oil and….**censored**!  

The trouble with cooking is that after doing the catering for myself and others for the last 31 years, I have really come to the end of the line.   It is no longer the pleasure than it once was; it is a chore that some days I resent, especially when I have run out of ideas on what to bring to the table.   Here, one’s choices at the supermarket are steak, pork, chicken and sausage.   Forget about lamb; forget about game; forget about fish (unless of course you like catfish – which, I don’t).   What really bugs me more than anything else is that on the rare occasions I go out to dinner, the meal I get is worse than anything I could produce using things out of cans.   Go to the local “lunch” places, and I find that I could have thrown together something much better at half the price.   Clearly I have issues with small town living at times; but just once in a while, I want someone to cook something for me, and, which is edible.

Anyway, on to the contemplation part.   This year, owing to the absence of shopping, cinema, restaurant, etc., I had more than enough time to reflect upon the last 51 years of my life.   I have learned an awful lot.   However, like many people, I have made monumental mistakes; some of which even now, I have failed to own up to.   I have met many wonderful and fascinating people.   I have also met people that have been unkind; people who are uncaring; people who are selfish; and, a few people that scared the shit out of me.   That all said, my life has had many minuses, but, I feel that the pluses have pretty much balanced things out and, if I didn’t dwell on that which was not so good, my life would be more than satisfactory.   I have a roof over my head; I work with incredibly nice people; and, I have someone who loves me more than perhaps anyone has before.   Really, I don’t have a lot to complain about.

OK, so, here are a few things that I have learned along the way and which might help you out at some point:

 

1. Parents lie.

The tooth fairy never gets mugged whilst leaving money under your pillow.

Santa Claus doesn’t watch you all year to see if you are deserving of gifts.

Working hard at school does not guarantee you a good job; a house; a car; and, a boat.   Private education does, so does going to university and getting a degree.   My parents however concluded that upon my graduating, working as a general labourer would be good enough for me.   I cried at having bought into all their bullshit and in consequence, never had any fun at school at all.

Germans are not full of germs (Yes, they really said this!).

Swallowing chewing gum does not cause the gum to wrap itself around your heart and kill you.

Eating bacon fat does not put hairs on your chest.

Eating shellfish does not make your hair curl.

Masturbating does not cause your penis to fall off in the bath.

Reading books does not send you blind.

You do not get radiation poisoning from watching television.

Drinking milk does not result in you growing breasts (my dad had an issue with the milk bill that week).

The coalman does not take children away in dirty sacks if they are naughty.

Porridge is not everyone’s favourite breakfast.

Spiders do not crawl up your nose every night and eat your brains.

Cats do not have the ability to cast a spell on you which makes you grow small enough for them to eat you.

Goblins do not live under your bed.

Eating cauliflower does not give you better hearing.

You do not end up in prison for being nice to the next-door-neighbours.

Drinking Coca-Cola does not put so much carbon dioxide into your body that you asphyxiate.

You do not die before dawn if you hear an owl hooting during the night.

Any agreement that you have with your parents that your room will be your responsibility and that they will keep out, will be null and void in under 8 hours.

2. The first car you have will be so dangerous that your parents will never travel in it.

3. If you are not the sort to get married or have a long term relationship, use prostitutes; it is a hell of a lot cheaper in the long run; and you are always certain to get what you need, when you need it.

4. Drug addicts make great prostitutes; there is nothing that they won’t do for a small amount of money.

5. No matter what, you always miss a train by just one minute.

6. At Christmas, people generally give you what they would like for Christmas.   That is unless they really don’t like you; and in which case you get brown socks with diamonds on them.

7. The milk in your fridge is always “off” the very morning you have a hangover and need some coffee.

8. One-night-stands only ever have powdered milk.   In the morning you will find that they use instant coffee and all of their cups have chips out of them.   This really takes the edge off of what happened the night before.

9. When shopping for a couple of steaks, chops, etc., at the supermarket; you will always find when you get home that one steak/chop/chicken breast is so significantly smaller than the other, that you have to go out and buy another pack so that you can match the sizes, you then end up with two normal size and two tiny portions.

10. You cannot eat a pound of cheese without cutting it up.

11. You cannot eat more than two dry cream crackers.

12. The majority of people cannot bear the thought that someone, somewhere, might be enjoying themselves.

13. Never tell people what you like; if you do, they will make sure that it never happens again.

14. Never attempt to eat a doner kebab if you are suffering with hiccups.

15. You cannot argue with a drunk; it sure is easy to kick his ass though!

16. If you come across two Irishmen having a fight, there is fuck all that you can do about it.   Keep walking.

17. When it comes to Marmite, people either love it, or, they hate it with a passion.

18. The meaning of life, the universe and everything, is not “42” as Douglas Adams asserts.   It is in fact “holes”.   Some of you will get this, the majority of you will not.

19. There is probably no reason in religion.   After all what reasoning person would believe in a supernatural, omnipotent, omniscient being, who, at the same time loves you; yet has to be begged for forgiveness daily or hourly, and, who controls the universe but needs your money?

20. The difference between a straight man and a homosexual man; is six pints of lager.

21. Old people will do everything in their power to waste your time.

22. Lonely people talk an awful lot.

23. Parents never take on board the concept that if their child has married and moved away to a major metropolitan area; they are not looking for opportunities to return to the place that they have just escaped from.

24. Thanksgiving is the time when the few do everything they can to make the many miserable.

25. Christmas is not about families, nor is it about children, nor is it about commercialism.   It is about a child and the salvation of mankind.

26. You never drive better once you have had a drink or two.

27. The longer parents keep their offspring talking on the ‘phone, the less inclined the offspring are to call in the future.

28. Cell phones do not cause brain tumours.

29. Jesus is supposed to be a Capricorn; but he really doesn’t fit the profile.

30. Putting half an onion under your bed in a saucer of water does not cure coughs.

31. If you buy a cough remedy at the chemists, and the label says that it is an expectorant, this then is a medicine that will make you cough.

32. Fish and chips do taste better out of newspaper.

33. Chinese takeaways in England tend to sell as a sideline, paraffin heaters and lampshades.

34. If someone pre-fixes an explanation with the words: “at the end of the day…”, they are bullshitting you.

35. Corona is the fourth most popular beer in the world.

36. Most not so dirty looking vagrants are career beggars, and who make hundreds of dollars a week.

37. The phrase: “It’s company policy” means that actually is isn’t; it is a tool used by clerks to piss you off for no other reason than the person applying it can.   Company policy is fixed at board level; ask to speak to a board member and inquire why this policy is considered to be so crucial for the well-being of the company.

38. Mixing a compound of zinc and sulphur together and then applying a flame, really disrupts a chemistry lesson.

39. In church,  the reason those little bags that they send round for the offering have a wooden neck, is to ensure that nobody can take out rather than put in.

40. No matter how fast you are driving, there is always someone behind you pressuring you to go faster.

41. At night, the person behind you always has one headlight out of alignment and, if that wasn’t enough, always has his fog lights on.

42. Old people never stop at stop signs.

43. The police and school buses never obey the posted speed limit.

44. Never have a mad woman in your car.   If you get stopped, she will make sure that you get arrested.

45. If you are in a bad situation and you think you are going to be mugged or attacked, ask the prospective attacker for help.   Ask for directions; ask for change; ask for anything so as to take that person off his guard.   Few people refuse to at least listen to a plea for help.

46. In the same situation, another ploy is to act nuts.   Few petty thieves will risk the uncertainty of dealing with a madman.

47. It used to be a case of don’t talk to strangers.   Today’s watchword is don’t talk to children.   Parents are obsessed with their kids, and it is very hard to reason with them or the public at large in the case of anything that involves a child.

48. People who have children always expect other people to pay for them and look after them.

49. Like it or not, the police are an occupying army.   Don’t let anyone tell you different.

50. Policemen view anyone who is not a policeman as a criminal.   They view retired police officers with suspicion.

51. Policemen have only other policemen as friends.

52. The majority of wives of policemen believe their husbands to be having extra marital affairs.

53. The greatest mistake mankind ever made was giving the uneducated unfettered access to broadcast media.

54. Most minor laws that are enacted, end up having the sole purpose of harassing the law-abiding.

55. “He’s not a team player”, means that that someone has his own opinions and beliefs.

56. Guinness is not a health drink (unfortunately).

57. Butter is becoming increasingly difficult to buy.

58. Whenever someone says it is not about the money, it is about the principle; it is always about the money.

59. Never buy a house without first seeing it.

60. When it looks as though you are going to be late for work, don’t go in at all.   You won’t get anywhere near as much shit for missing a whole day than you will for missing just a few minutes.

61. If someone catches you off-guard with an invitation to do something; always say no, or, at the very least say that you have to check your diary.   Once you have thought about it and you have decided that you want to go, the inviter will be more than happy to learn that you can come after all.   If on the other hand you say yes right off, it is very difficult to cancel without causing offence.

62. “Have a nice day” is probably the most insincere sentence ever devised.

63. When an acquaintance says: “You must come over to dinner one evening”; he or she is being polite.   Do not construe it as a real dinner invitation.

64. People should have to take a mental competency exam before being allowed to vote.

65. People should not be allowed to run for office if they are dead (yes, there have been many dead people elected to office all over the U.S.).

66. Couples who are planning to have babies should be required to explain when and how they plan to earn the extra $10,000 per year, per child, necessary; in order to adequately provide for that child until its 18^th birthday.

67. There is no such thing as “free”.   At some point you end up paying for it.

68. You cannot win the lottery unless you buy a ticket.

69. You cannot win the lottery in a foreign country just by sending someone you have never heard of $100; no matter how convincing the e-mail happens to be.

70. Anti-virus software is no longer optional.

71. Restaurants that advertise all-you-can-eat meals for $5 do not have valet parking.   If you went to one of these places and gave your keys to someone, you probably ended up riding home in a cab.

72. In reality, there is no such thing as a low-fat sausage.

73. Utility bills never get lost in the post.

74. Old people actually like getting junk mail, because they feel that there is nothing worse than the postman never stopping at their house.

75. Fast food is neither.

76. As a group, intelligent people suffer more from depression than other groups.

77. Dogs believe that the most extreme gesture of affection they can make is to share the contents of their stomach and bowels with you.

78. Cats believe that you are extremely lucky that they even allow you to give them food and shelter.

79. People with the most worn-out looking credit/debit card, always act as though they have never had to swipe their card before.

80. If someone loves you every bit as much as you love them; then you are indeed, one of the luckiest people alive.

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Every year at about this time, people start to think of Christmas.   For some, it is a very happy time; however, for many the very thought of it fills them with dread.   Why, you might ask, should anyone fear or dread Christmas?   Surely it is a time for peace; a time for goodwill; a time for celebration; a time to spend time with those that you love; a time to contemplate simpler times when the message of Christmas seemed to be all about the birth of a saviour.   Indeed, these are the things that resemble Christmas for a few people.   Sadly, Christmas for others is a very different story.

There are people who dread Christmas because for them, it heralds a time of loneliness.   Many people live their lives without emotional attachments to others.   For some, this is a conscious choice; for others, it has been forced upon them because of old-age; bereavement; or, ill-health.   During the year, these people don’t experience too much in the way of loneliness because they encounter people all the time either at work, or other social functions.   In my younger days, I would often leave work, go home and get changed, and then head on back out to the cinema, theatre, gallery or whatever.   Afterwards, I would pop into a pub, have something to eat, maybe drink or two; all the while chatting to a few strangers.   By the time I got home, I didn’t feel lonely at all, because I had been surrounded by people all day.   However, Christmas alters this.   People leave the cities to visit friends and family.   In rural areas, social networking ceases over the Christmas period because many are expecting the arrival of friends and family for Christmas.  

Other people dread Christmas because they literally cannot afford the so-called goodwill of gift giving.   In England, the behemoth that is the commercialisation of Christmas revs up and is in full swing by the second week of September.   Daily, people are regaled with advertisements reminding them that Christmas will not be Christmas unless they buy this or that for someone.   It reminds them that their Christmas will be miserable unless they shop here or go there.   It threatens them with domestic anarchy if their kids don’t receive the “in-gift” usually costing well into three figures.   In the U.S., it is not so bad because Christmas advertising is a little more subdued until after Thanksgiving.   However, once Thanksgiving is over with, commercial concerns do all they can to catch up with their colleagues in England.

Another group of people that dread Christmas are those with overbearing families.   Many gay people fall into this group.   Many people find that for years on end, Christmas has been nothing more than several days of utter purgatory, sequestered away with a group of people that one has little in common with, and, whom really, one doesn’t really like that much.   Any attempt to get out of the “family Christmas” is met with a concerted effort by other family members trying to convince you that you need to be doing that which you have been having nightmares about all year.   All sorts of blackmail techniques are used, such as “this might be grandma’s last Christmas”.   Of course, this has been said for the last twenty odd years, and the old bird still acts as though she has another twenty years in front of her.  

Another blackmail technique is: “Christmas is a time for family”.   That may or may not be true; however, for gay people what this actually means is: “We don’t want you being yourself at Christmas; we want you here where we can keep an eye on you.   Oh, and don’t even think about bringing along that pervert you live with; he has been leading you astray for the past 10 years – if it wasn’t for him, you’d be married to a nice girl by now and we’d have grandchildren.”   Yes, it is a sad fact of life that there are gay couples who have never spent Christmas together simply because one or other of the families don’t consider their relationship to be valid and, neither gay person wants to upset “the family”, especially at Christmas.

Another group of people that dread Christmas are those that find themselves working; such as hospital workers; ambulance; fire; police, etc.   These people know that they are going to be stretched to the giddy-limit for the entire time.   They know that many people are going to drink themselves into unconsciousness.   Others will eat without stopping until they start to experience acute chest pains.   Others will be the victims of violence; it generally happens when people who don’t like one another spend a protracted amount of time together.   People will drive whilst drunk and have fatal accidents.   Others will do bizarre things like trying to copy stunts they have seen on YouTube, never thinking that setting fire to oneself can actually be a very dangerous thing to do.

There are other people who will be working and, rather than dread Christmas, will resent Christmas.   These people will be working in the hospitality or service industries.   They will resent working because they have worked every Christmas of their working lives as a penalty for being childless.   Many employers believe that those with children should get first dibs at time-off on Christmas day.   Those with children will claim it as a God-given right, rather than appreciating that it is a privilege made available to them due to the generous spirit of someone else.   They usually chant the mantra: “Christmas is about children” as a means to justify their perpetual selfishness.   Incredibly, these same people will be back at the trough on New Year’s Eve, as brazen as ever, demanding that someone else covers their shifts because they need to be with their kids on that day too.

Christmas also brings with it other worries.   It is an indisputable fact that burglaries increase during the months of November and December.   Burglars know that practically every house in an average neighbourhood is a treasure chest of desirable items.   People are fearful of leaving their homes in the last few days before Christmas in case someone breaks in and steals “Christmas” from them and their loved ones.   The police are well aware of this.   However, each year, knowing that burglary is a significant problem and a huge worry to potential victims; the police, rather than announcing a crack-down on burglars; concern themselves instead with a crack-down on drink-driving.   Of course, this is a worthy issue too, excepting when you consider that the average number of drink-driving offences have stayed fairly static over the last ten years and are generally considered to be on the low-side.   Burglaries however, increase every year and there seems to be no interest by the people in law enforcement to address the issue.

Other worries people face, are the constant deadlines.   There are deadlines for posting parcels; deadlines for posting cards; deadlines for ordering goods and services.   Frozen turkeys and geese have to be thawed out so many days beforehand.   Cookery programmes promise care-free Christmas fare.   However it transpires that “care-free” entails every hour of your life being taken up doing something from the 23^rd December onward, in order for the big meal to be served up on time.

Another thing that makes for a miserable Christmas is that in many households, one person is left to do everything.   This person is responsible for the entire gift buying for everyone in the family, to everyone on the gift list.   This person is also responsible for decorating the house; and, giving the house a good bottoming before any guests arrive.   This person also has to deal with all the catering; this involves having diplomacy enough to deal with a maiden aunt who insists that unless the Brussels sprouts are put on to boil by 9:30am, they will never be ready in time for dinner at 1:30pm.   Having endured all this and having served up a veritable feast, once everyone has finished their dinner, that same person will spend probably another two hours washing-up and generally tidying away all the mess that present opening and cooking involves, whilst everyone else snoozes off the effects of over indulgence.   This is also the person who will resist committing a murder when finding that after slaving away all day, they can finally take a rest, at which point someone wakes up and says: “You couldn’t do us a sandwich could you?”

For all of you who are confused at this point, let me explain a few things about Christmas to you:

Christmas is not about “children” and their wonton desires for tangible items.   Certainly it is about a single child, and the ultimate salvation of mankind.

Christmas is not about “families”.   It is about the fellowship of mankind and doing that which is right; it is about forgiveness; it is about peace amongst all; it is about loving one another, without exception.

Christmas is not about “what’s in it for me – what do I get out of it?”   Christmas is about giving, and not of material things.   It is about kindness and generosity of spirit.   It is about compassion.  

Christmas is not about taking everything and everyone for granted.   Christmas is about being selfless.   Christmas is about realising that there is more to the concept of life than how much material wealth one perceives one has.   Christmas is about helping others, not doing everything you can to kick someone when they are down.

During this Christmas tide, give of yourself rather than giving of your wallet.   Make time for the lonely; the destitute; and, the indigent.

Tell friends and family on low incomes that you really do not want a tangible Christmas gift; tell them that help with baby sitting, or, that help with some shopping would mean more than anything they could buy.   Just because you know that they cannot afford gifts and feel pressured to give, doesn’t mean you have compromise their dignity.   And really for most of us, we’d far rather get help stacking some wood than a ghastly pair of brown socks with a diamond pattern.   Giving doesn’t have to come wrapped in paper.

Give up the blackmail.   Unless you can accept your friend/relative/son/daughter, etc., for whom they are, then why keep it up?   You are causing misery not only to them, but ultimately to yourself.   Do you really want to get to the pearly gates and then have to explain why you made so many people, so desperately unhappy, for such a long time?   If you cannot find it in your heart to accept the life that others have to live, then let them go.   Free them from the guilt and sentiment that you seek to impose.

Whilst you are enjoying whatever Christmas you have made, spare a thought for those that selflessly give of themselves in order that you may be safe.   Spare a though for the police officer’s family who are celebrating their Christmas without an important person to them, just so that you can be safe to enjoy your life.   Spare a thought for the family of servicemen overseas, who unwittingly find themselves on the front line, trying valiantly to defend the concept of the pursuit of money and riches for the few; especially as some of whom will never know another Christmas.  

Don’t call out an ambulance because you have indigestion.   Don’t burden health workers with something that you have been experiencing for the last six weeks.   Don’t place candles on a Christmas tree and then light them.   Don’t try and light some damp wood in your fireplace having first doused it in petroleum.

Remember to give appreciation to that special person in your life without whom, a lot of Christmas would be meaningless.

Oh, and before I get an avalanche of emails on the subject of the picture; I’ll just say that if I found this particular Santa’s elf in my stocking on Christmas morning, you wouldn’t hear me complaining!

 

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It would appear that Britney Spears is filing for her second divorce in only two years.   So far, her life and time look thus:

• 2 Dec 1981 - Britney Spears born in Kentwood, Louisiana.
• 1992 - Spears chosen for the All New Mickey Mouse Club.
• October 1998 - releases debut single, Baby One More Time.
• January 1999 - Debut single and album both top charts.
  
• May 2000 - releases second album, Oops!… I Did It Again.
• 3 Jan 2003 - Marries childhood friend Jason Alexander - the marriage is annulled after 55 hours.
• September 2004 - Marries Kevin Federline after whirlwind romance.
• 14 September 2005 - Gives birth to Sean Preston Federline.
• 7 February 2006 - Photos of Spears driving with her infant son on her lap are published.
• June 2006 - A tearful and heavily pregnant Spears goes on TV to deny her marriage is in trouble.
• 12 September 2006 - Gives birth to second son - Jayden James.
• 6 November 2006 - Appears on Late Night with David Letterman without wedding ring.
• 7 November 2006 - Files for divorce.

Britney Spears; truly a paragon of our times!

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Just a quick note to let you know that since my last post, Blogger technical support have been co-operative and so consequently, the love of my life was able to regain access to his blog hosted on Blogger. Having experienced such a harrowing ordeal, it was decided that rather than using any auto-importing, or any export publishing options, the entire blog is being migrated by hand. As those of you who read Curtis’s blog will know, there is a hell of a lot of stuff that will have to be migrated and it could take a little while before the whole process is completed.

Don’t forget to visit Curtis’s new blog (the link is in the sidebar). Don’t forget to update your links and RSS feeds either!

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